…the fine print…
the stuff you should read, but probably don't

Happy Valentines – Best Wishes from a Broken Bitch

Where should I begin this post…I guess an update on the Chris situation is needed.  I made the right choice by not sleeping with him because the true colors shined through after last weekend.  I was put on the ignore list for wanting to hold out on sex until I got to know him better and I guess he wasn’t ok with that.  The first date he spoke about how he wanted something traditional with values in a relationship and then on the second date wanted to.. wait.. planned to sleep with me.  What a pig.

Oh and get this.. on the website where we met he actually blocked me.  So not only did he not return my calls or text, he thought it was appropriate and the best course of action to just block me from having any online contact with him.  I got angry, real angry as I should have.  I left him some nice txts to vent and release the anger and, and then.. he calls.  Said to me, he hadn’t blocked him or if he did he did it by mistake.

Now, I told him once, which is true, I am gullible.. very… I find it one my more charming qualities in all its “cuteness”; however I never told him I was stupid.  To block someone on the website you have to confirm just like any delete function on a computer, I tested it out after I talked to him which was just the official stamp of confirming what a liar he is. But before that, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.. only for a little while until I thought it through.  So when I talked to him, I made nice nice and said I was sorry for thinking he was ignoring me.  Tells you how desperate I must be to find romance… I’m pathetic.

Only for a short while was I in this state of denial, that’s when I finally accepted the truth — I had met yet another scum in Atlanta.  The odds are very good to meet them, they seem to be crawling around everywhere in this place.

Well anyway, Kevin and I decided to head out for some drinks.  Ran into Chris while I was out.. I honestly didn’t have anything to say to him as he was leaving except for telling him my next location so he would go elsewhere and avoid me.  Liars are cowards, they run and they run.  Regardless, I can always manage to put on a smile and a happy face and truly have a good time, so I did.  Met this real handsome guy named Brad who took to me quite quickly and was telling me things that I wanted to hear.

You see, I think finally I’ve learned how to survive in this dating world.  I’ve always made the mistake of trusting everyone from the start, to look at them like they are of a clean slate and picture perfect. The new rule is, I need to recognize all the bullshit out of someone’s mouth.  Basically, when you meet a guy, everything that comes out of his mouth is a play, a working attempt, to get into your pants. And they will tell you ANYTHING you want to hear; it’s all lies. None of it will end up to be true; so its best to keep open mind and evaluate every sentence they say by labeling it as false.

I am bitter no doubt and completely heart broken. But it isn’t over Chris.  It’s just the string of men I’ve dated for so many years now have been a piece of shit in some form or another. So it has little do with one guy, its like a chain of events that have beaten down my heart over and over and I cannot find a shred of strength to pick myself up and want to date again. It seems pointless, if everything is lie that rolls off a guys tongue, then why date, why try to get to know anyone.  What about sex, right?

Well I’ve tried to be this unemotional sexual partner to many people over a decade now, and it isn’t me. Sex is emotional to me, I can’t really be comfortable doing it any other way. I’ve lied to myself over and over because I want to fit in to today’s society and be able to have something of a non-single life and to do that it was necessary to learn the meaning of “no-strings”.  So I guess what I am saying is; that I am done with sex. Who needs it. Lets face it, I’m living in a fantasy world and have been told this before.  I am a gay guy, who believes it is possible to find a traditional monogamous relationship.  They simply don’t exist and I’ve never even heard of one or know anyone who has been in one or knows anyone who knows someone else who has been or is in one.

To continue my story of last night, Brad said to me, he wanted to tell me something weird and not to freak out.  (Like anything could shock me at this point). He said, I’d like for you to come home with me but no sex, only snuggling. Again, let’s analyze….RIGHT… he wants nothing other than just to snuggle. But having all faith in humanity lost to the winds, I needed to grab hold of anything that would serve as a life preserver so I let him inspire a that little ray of light in eyes and accepted.  Back at his place, we talked for a while and he was telling me these lies about how cute I was, how interesting I was, yadda yadda yadda.. and then I went to sleep in the arms of a stranger.

Where to go from here is the question, and one that I probably won’t be able to answer for a while. Will I return to the dating scene? Will I finally lose all the hopeless romantic pieces left in my soul and just become a whore? Will I give up this fight and not date or have sex from here on out?  All options are unappealing.

Happy Valentines Day!

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3 Responses to “Happy Valentines – Best Wishes from a Broken Bitch”

  1. Doug,

    Your posts makes me want to cry. Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either. I feel for you! *Hugs!*

    What struck me the most as the similarities between us (as I’m a straight female) was this comment of yours:

    “Basically, when you meet a guy, everything that comes out of his mouth is a play, a working attempt, to get into your pants.”

    So true, so true!

    Zee

    • I used to feel like men only did these things to me, then finally realized its a conspiracy or something. LOL, Truly I just laugh about all of it in the end; I have to right? Otherwise I’d be a nut case, which sometimes I wonder if I am not already.

      The cool thing is, at least now I have another blog to read that I can relate to 150%!

      • Awesome! I am so glad that you can relate to my experiences too!

        You’re right, life really isn’t that bad, we just need to look on the bright side. And if we can’t find the bright side, then we need to laugh until we find it!

        Zee


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